Ever since you can member, you’ve been surrounded by examples of excellence, mediocrity and failure. Take the time to reflect on the deep knowledge and skills that your experiences have taught you. What is it that you understand deeply. These are the tools that now come naturally to you.
Your focus on your fear of being crap at finances, or whatever it is that you’re obsessed about at the moment, is the single biggest filter that prevents you from enacting what you know to be right. Your fears of judgement; that feeling is taking control at key points. When you (re)act our of fear, your behaviour is petty.
“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” ~ Aristotle
The stoics talk of courage. Your courage is in continuing to move, to dance the dance, regardless of how much fear the next step incites in you.
Your skills are like onion peels. At the core is your ability to live without luxury, and to go to extreme lengths for those precious souls who are in your inner circle. Overlaid on these are your ability see the patterns, dependencies and timescales in organising, and your ability to respond intelligently when others are in a panic (though too often you are the one in panic). You are now simply growing a reasoned thinking and unshakable calm over the top of them all.
You have this deep reservoir of skills and knowledge that has been ingrained into you since you were small. It’s time to believe in them and act on all of that experience with confidence.
“Today I escaped anxiety. Or not, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions – not outside.” ~ Marcus Aurelius